Sunday, August 3, 2014

when life fractures

it is winter here and i hate the cold miserable days.  i couldnt live anywhere that had real winters.  it doesn't help that molly dog is getting progressively worse.  she has scabby and scaly skin lesions all over her body. you can feel them when you pat her.  they are not painful - just irritating at times.  she has lost fur from her legs and near her mouth and some of her eyelashes have gone.  i dont want to take pictures anymore as i dont want to remember her like this.  she has really gone off her usual food and it is getting harder to find the food that she will eat.  i have found it difficult to want to do anything.  i just want to run away.  i dont know how to do this.  jesse dog was hard but you could accept it from a dog who had lived a full life.  i dont want to train as  it just seems such a stupid waste of time.  i was thinking this morning that i have to find a better way and it was at this point that i realised that with molly i have stopped living.  like i am just sitting there waiting for her to die when i should be making the most of every moment we have.  while i am feeling sorry for myself molly isnt getting to enjoy the life she has left.        

i wrote this on 10 july.  my sweet molly dog passed away on 24 july.  it makes me cry to write that so i am trying to think of something else.  saying i miss her is major fucking understatement.  molly was the heart and soul of my house with her big personality.  and to be honest it breaks my heart so much i dont want to talk or write about it.

for the last month of my training for cairns i worked with a new coach.  it was a little strange because i was working with a different programme but felt the support and input was well worth it.  i also knew that going forward i would work with him 100 percent.  so new ironman coach comes with excellent credentials having placed first overall age grouper at busselton.  each year he runs an 18 week training squad leading into busselton.  i was going to join the group but only do mandurah 70.3 (which the squad would be doing as well).  i attended the first meeting and it occurred to me that i was going to be close to physically doing the same training for mandurah as you would for busselton so why not do it ?  it is only 4 four weeks further down the track.  i could risk injury or burn out from too many ironman races and so i questioned ironman coach and the usual response - all good as long as you get the right recovery.  i would have five months between busselton and port macquarie.  i eventually realised i would never now if it could be done unless i tried.  and seriously - what have i got to lose ?  so i thought about it over the weekend and then signed up. so ironman number four is coming around alot quicker than i thought.  the training programme starts today and i am excited.  i do various sessions with the squad, no long rides on sunday (first in about 4 years !!). long runs instead and some really different workouts including hill rides on the road bike.  and we have a two day training camp in busselton leading up to the big day.  i think i am going to work harder than i ever have before but if it all comes together it will be well worth it.

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