Sunday, February 25, 2018

swissmurdie trail run

omg.  i finally turned up for an event and finished it.  it is a fucking miracle. i did change the distance from the longest to the shortest but who cares.  and i wasnt dead fucking last either.  close but i didnt get that award.  i did think i was going to throw up when i crossed the finish  line though.  that would have been embarrassing.

this trail run was awesome but very painful.  i am sure it only ever went up the mountain and we never came back down.  i can walk today but it is very painful after i havent moved for awhile.  but it feels great.  i am alive.  

i did the 7 km event.  it had 259m of elevation gain.  whatever that really means other than the graph looks awesome. it took me over an hour but keep in mind i havent run anywhere in months nor have i even walked the dog.  the greatest distance has been from the carpark to the beach and back.  maybe a short walk along the beach.  i am so out of practice i forgot to turn my garmin off when i finished.

so now i am all keen as mustard to sign up for more events but i have rules.  i can only enter if i train so i must leave the signing up to the very latest possible time and i will just have to suffer fomo.  i now have to get my legs back to normal as soon as possible.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

live what you love

i have a new job.  thank fucking christ.

something has finally gone my way.  however on the training front i am still bloody inconsistent.

i was signed up for ironman australia but with work and the fact that i did not have a base to begin a 20 week programme the only smart thing to do was to transfer it to Busselton.  This was not an expensive exercise and while i was a little sad i really had no choice.  i left it too late to have a chance.

so what now ?  well i have to train.  simple as that.  i have plenty of time to get a base back before i begin to train for busso.  i am hoping i can do the last race for the TriSeries at Hillaries in April.  It will be my first triathlon in 18 months.   i have 41 weeks till busselton.

i swam in a grown up pool yesterday and i am little inspired.  i dont want to get carried away although  i am going back today.  i am reading my old books and updating my garmin account and trying to kick start all those previous habits.  i have set goals for the next two weeks.  i am going to try and use instagram to motivate me by posting a picture of my pathetic training everyday.  i must admit it felt good to be tired after the swim yesterday.  

i have to lose weight.  i am a fat porker and there is a limit to how far lycra will stretch.  it is embarrassing.  at the pool yesterday i did regret taking my ironman drink bottle.  i am sure people questioned my credentials once they saw chunky me and the snail pace i was swimming at.  if anything should inspire me it will be this. 

my daily motto is now to live what you love.  i feel like my life can now go back to being normal. all the stuff from the last few years is over.   you dont forget and there are things that will stay with me but it does get easier.   now i know from previous posts that i have been saying this for awhile now.  i was full of shit then.  hopefully i am no longer.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

it has to be about me now

i have this on my fridge and i have been staring at it for months.  i have been unable to get past the first line.  i think once i have done that the rest will be fairly straight forward.

i know the moment my triathlon life went to shit.  it was when i started helping my dad.  i dont regret it.  i would do it again and perhaps  i would only change certain decisions regarding dad but not that i got involved.  it seemed that the focus i needed  to train and commit to triathlon became lost once that focus shifted to other things.  it is very hard to explain.  

the less i trained the more unhappy i became as well.  it was a catch 22 situation.  looking back now i realise that i was at my happiest when i was training and participating in events. it felt like i had a life.  triathlon has always been something that you can control.  you are rewarded for the hard work you put into it and all the decisions are yours.  you dont rely on anyone else.  you make your own mistakes and you get to celebrate your own success.

not like work. that is where you are paid less than men who do not perform as well as you and being spoken down to is common place.  i am tired of it.  if people do not think this exists then they are ignorant.  it is very demotivating and demoralising.  age is becoming a factor as well.  not only am i female but i am an old female having to explain myself and convince 30 year old's that i know what i am doing.  life should be getting better but sometimes it feel the opposite is true.

so what is it that i want.  i quite simply want to do what i want to do.  not what anyone else may want or expect me to do.  i dont want to sacrifice my choices in order to make other people happy because i am doing what they want.  that i fit into their box.  my parents did that for long enough.  my financial resources are now somewhat limited so i have to be more careful and selective with how i choose to spend my money as well.  

so i want my triathlon life back.  i want that to be a priority and what i choose first every day.  i still want other things in my life and hopefully this time i will find a balance.

Friday, August 25, 2017

am i really ready for this ?

i am not going to make any promises here.  i feel like i am ready to get back into  my old life.  i miss being fit and i miss feeling strong.  i am not the same person i was so i have to find my motivation from another place.

i am back working.  i am doing some training.  the weather is improving.  i no longer  have the black cloud of family problems hanging over me.

there are no more excuses.  it is just up to me to do it for me.

Monday, January 2, 2017

Putting things back together

it has been awhile so it is hard to know where to begin.  well to start my dad passed away on 27 November 2016.  but i am not ready to talk about that.  i was made redundant at the end of August and i am still currently unemployed.  i was struggling with consistent training so i transferred from the 140.6 at busselton to the new 70.3.  dad passed away the week before so i didnt do that either. 2016 pretty much sucked for me and a lot of other people.

where do i start with work ?  the level of incompetence and stupidity was on a massive scale.  the lack of accountability and people putting their egos ahead of what is best.  not being heard is very frustrating. and if you are going to go into business then have some understanding of how to manage it and make a decision.  make the hard decisions.  i think in the end this was just a business with jobs for the boys. and the boys sucked it dry and made no apologies for it.  i stayed because at first it suited my ironman goals and training and i was getting well paid.  then i stayed because i felt for the remaining owner who was shattered by the end and learned a very hard lesson.  you also cross over to a point where you have to take into account what is due to you in redundancy.  then you cant leave.

i havent seen or spoken to anyone from work since and i really dont want to.  i took some time off after the event and then my sister came to visit and then dad fell ill.  by the time we had the funeral it was close to xmas so i havent looked for work yet.  the only thing i know is that i dont want to work for fuckwits again.  i have a few plans for this year and i am going to make 2017 great.  this might mean doing temp work and saving the dollars.  

so while there were a few sad days spent in my pyjamas on the sofa i have also been very busy.  my garden is looking well maintained again.  i have painted the gutters and patio.  i still have some white woodwork to go but it is minor.  i painted the window trims and the front door.  i pulled up the carpet in the front room donated a truck load of stuff to the good samaritans.  i painted both bathrooms and the two spare rooms and my study.  i finally fixed my bathroom taps and replaced the outdoor lights and fixed the indoor lights.  the one in the bathroom has not worked in years and now i cant believe i left it so long.  it feels like pure luxury. 

training for anything has been hard.  it has been very sporadic to say the least.  when i look back at the five ironmans and 7 half ironmans i did over a five year period i really dont know how i did it.    i feel like i have to rebuild my life and allow myself to enjoy training again.  one day at a time.

i like motivational quotes and i recently read this article which i am going to remind myself of on a regular basis.

Things you should give up if you want to be successful.

Give up on the unhealthy lifestyle - no more magnums and less carbs.
Give up the short-term mindset - short term habits become long term goals
Give up on playing small - dont be afraid to fail and dont be afraid to succeed
Give up your excuses - own your life
Give up the fixed mindset - who you are today is not who you have to be tomorrow
Give up believing in the magic bullet - overnight success is a myth
Give up your perfectionism - dont lose opportunities waiting for things to be right
Give up multi-tasking - choose one thing and beat it into submission
Give up your need to control everything - detach from things you cannot control
Give up on saying yes to things that dont support your goals - he who would achieve much must sacrifice much
Give up the toxic people - dont settle (again) for just any job
Give up your need to be liked - you cant make everyone like you.  i am a niche market.
Give up your dependency on social media and television - the trouble is, you think you have time. dont waste it.