Monday, April 16, 2018

the ironman myth

i have discussed this before.  the ironman myth. the crap about how it will change your life and you will never be the same again.  most experiences of any kind are going to change you in some way.

ironman will show you that you are physically capable of more than you thought.  you might even be surprised at how disciplined you can be when you want to be.  it may even amaze you how comfortable you become blowing your nose without a tissue, talking about bodily functions or the fact you now have a separate lycra wash to go with the whites.

so when my dad become ill and then passed away and at the same time i was also made redundant i figured no problem.  i have done 5 ironmans so i can handle anything.  my only DNF was my sixth attempt at ironman so surely that must have been character building.  i can handle anything.  but the truth is quite different.   you train yourself to swim, bike and run a bloody long way without stopping.  you dont train yourself to manage grief or stress.  ironman only showed me how to do an ironman.  it showed me how to be disciplined and how to persevere.  but only when things were good.  when things went south it never showed me how to stay focused and motivated.   i loved ironman but it wasnt enough to see me through the tough times.

i was hoping to do the last tri series event of the year but that never happened.  however what has happened is i am back swimming with squads.  a big thank you to my friend coby who convinced me it would be fine.  she had shattered her ankle eight months ago and was only just back swimming so we would be slow together.  i actually surprised myself at my first css session.  then i went running with cooper and really enjoyed it.  next up i did my hills ride and it didnt kill me and riding for nearly three hours was actually quite doable.  what i have struggled with is training two days in a row.  it seems i need a day to recover from each session.  and i am yet to try doing two sessions in one day.  long way to go but i have started.  i am excited though and i can feel my thin self coming back which not only feels great but is a mental relief.  i hate being chunky fat.

my goal right now is to train everyday this week and maybe, just maybe do three of each !

Sunday, February 25, 2018

swissmurdie trail run

omg.  i finally turned up for an event and finished it.  it is a fucking miracle. i did change the distance from the longest to the shortest but who cares.  and i wasnt dead fucking last either.  close but i didnt get that award.  i did think i was going to throw up when i crossed the finish  line though.  that would have been embarrassing.

this trail run was awesome but very painful.  i am sure it only ever went up the mountain and we never came back down.  i can walk today but it is very painful after i havent moved for awhile.  but it feels great.  i am alive.  

i did the 7 km event.  it had 259m of elevation gain.  whatever that really means other than the graph looks awesome. it took me over an hour but keep in mind i havent run anywhere in months nor have i even walked the dog.  the greatest distance has been from the carpark to the beach and back.  maybe a short walk along the beach.  i am so out of practice i forgot to turn my garmin off when i finished.

so now i am all keen as mustard to sign up for more events but i have rules.  i can only enter if i train so i must leave the signing up to the very latest possible time and i will just have to suffer fomo.  i now have to get my legs back to normal as soon as possible.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

live what you love

i have a new job.  thank fucking christ.

something has finally gone my way.  however on the training front i am still bloody inconsistent.

i was signed up for ironman australia but with work and the fact that i did not have a base to begin a 20 week programme the only smart thing to do was to transfer it to Busselton.  This was not an expensive exercise and while i was a little sad i really had no choice.  i left it too late to have a chance.

so what now ?  well i have to train.  simple as that.  i have plenty of time to get a base back before i begin to train for busso.  i am hoping i can do the last race for the TriSeries at Hillaries in April.  It will be my first triathlon in 18 months.   i have 41 weeks till busselton.

i swam in a grown up pool yesterday and i am little inspired.  i dont want to get carried away although  i am going back today.  i am reading my old books and updating my garmin account and trying to kick start all those previous habits.  i have set goals for the next two weeks.  i am going to try and use instagram to motivate me by posting a picture of my pathetic training everyday.  i must admit it felt good to be tired after the swim yesterday.  

i have to lose weight.  i am a fat porker and there is a limit to how far lycra will stretch.  it is embarrassing.  at the pool yesterday i did regret taking my ironman drink bottle.  i am sure people questioned my credentials once they saw chunky me and the snail pace i was swimming at.  if anything should inspire me it will be this. 

my daily motto is now to live what you love.  i feel like my life can now go back to being normal. all the stuff from the last few years is over.   you dont forget and there are things that will stay with me but it does get easier.   now i know from previous posts that i have been saying this for awhile now.  i was full of shit then.  hopefully i am no longer.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

it has to be about me now

i have this on my fridge and i have been staring at it for months.  i have been unable to get past the first line.  i think once i have done that the rest will be fairly straight forward.

i know the moment my triathlon life went to shit.  it was when i started helping my dad.  i dont regret it.  i would do it again and perhaps  i would only change certain decisions regarding dad but not that i got involved.  it seemed that the focus i needed  to train and commit to triathlon became lost once that focus shifted to other things.  it is very hard to explain.  

the less i trained the more unhappy i became as well.  it was a catch 22 situation.  looking back now i realise that i was at my happiest when i was training and participating in events. it felt like i had a life.  triathlon has always been something that you can control.  you are rewarded for the hard work you put into it and all the decisions are yours.  you dont rely on anyone else.  you make your own mistakes and you get to celebrate your own success.

not like work. that is where you are paid less than men who do not perform as well as you and being spoken down to is common place.  i am tired of it.  if people do not think this exists then they are ignorant.  it is very demotivating and demoralising.  age is becoming a factor as well.  not only am i female but i am an old female having to explain myself and convince 30 year old's that i know what i am doing.  life should be getting better but sometimes it feel the opposite is true.

so what is it that i want.  i quite simply want to do what i want to do.  not what anyone else may want or expect me to do.  i dont want to sacrifice my choices in order to make other people happy because i am doing what they want.  that i fit into their box.  my parents did that for long enough.  my financial resources are now somewhat limited so i have to be more careful and selective with how i choose to spend my money as well.  

so i want my triathlon life back.  i want that to be a priority and what i choose first every day.  i still want other things in my life and hopefully this time i will find a balance.

Friday, August 25, 2017

am i really ready for this ?

i am not going to make any promises here.  i feel like i am ready to get back into  my old life.  i miss being fit and i miss feeling strong.  i am not the same person i was so i have to find my motivation from another place.

i am back working.  i am doing some training.  the weather is improving.  i no longer  have the black cloud of family problems hanging over me.

there are no more excuses.  it is just up to me to do it for me.