i have this on my fridge and i have been staring at it for months. i have been unable to get past the first line. i think once i have done that the rest will be fairly straight forward.
i know the moment my triathlon life went to shit. it was when i started helping my dad. i dont regret it. i would do it again and perhaps i would only change certain decisions regarding dad but not that i got involved. it seemed that the focus i needed to train and commit to triathlon became lost once that focus shifted to other things. it is very hard to explain.
the less i trained the more unhappy i became as well. it was a catch 22 situation. looking back now i realise that i was at my happiest when i was training and participating in events. it felt like i had a life. triathlon has always been something that you can control. you are rewarded for the hard work you put into it and all the decisions are yours. you dont rely on anyone else. you make your own mistakes and you get to celebrate your own success.
not like work. that is where you are paid less than men who are do not perform as well as you and being spoken down to is common place. i am tired of it. if people do not think this exists then they are ignorant. it is very demotivating and demoralising. age is becoming a factor as well. not only am i female but i am an old female having to explain myself and convince any 30 year old that i know what i am doing. life should be getting better but sometimes it feels the opposite is true.
so what is it that i want. i quite simply want to do what i want to do. not what anyone else may want or expect me to do. i dont want to sacrifice my choices in order to make other people happy because i am doing what they want me to do. that i fit into their box. my parents did that for long enough. my financial resources are now somewhat limited so i have to be more careful and selective with how i choose to spend my money.
so i want my triathlon life back. i want that to be a priority and what i choose first every day. i still want other things in my life and hopefully this time i will find a balance.