the realities of growing old

i prefer to keep this blog about my triathlon adventures but a big part of the process is trying to achieve your goals while managing what goes on in your other life.  and my other life has been extremely difficult and very stressful.  not only has work sucked and continues to give me major stress but my parents are at the point in their lives where they are really struggling with their health. wrapped around all of this is the break down in the everyone's relationship with my brother.  i call him 'the snake' and will just leave it at that but our family is no different from many others.  it is not perfect and it is very sad to think that the people who should look out for you the most can be the ones that cause the greatest harm.

my  mum has been diagnosed with parkinson disease for quite awhile now.  we all handle the challenges that life presents differently from the next person and my mum choose her path.  which to me it looked like she just gave up right from the start.  my mum is now living in full time care.  she has her good and bad days but she is not the one we worry about the most.

my dad has been diabetic for awhile and it is managed by diet and drugs.  he has never done this well. then two years ago he had a pacemaker fitted.  this doesnt seem to cause too many problems.  then earlier this year he was told he had prostate cancer.  dad decided he didnt want to do chemo or radiation.  it is not the aggressive type and is very common in his age group.

in july he came up to perth and we went to the wafl hall of fame dinner.  we had a great time but the next day he fell at the perth train station and ended up in royal perth hospital for five days.  he was having issues with his balance and blood pressure and they needed to make sure he had not broken anything or banged his head too hard.  he did have a few scrapes and bruises.  they then diagnosed him with parkinson disease as well.  seriously.  i could not believe it.  the thing i hated the most was that they just came out and told dad without consulting anyone.  dad has always had a confused idea of what was happening with  mum.  some days he had this idea that she was going to get better and the next he needed money to pay for the funeral.  there are many different types of parkinson but my dad doesnt understand this so mums future became his.

so dad came home with more drugs and things just went a little downhill everyday from there.  in the last six months my dad has been separated from his wife of 55 odd years, was moved from his home of the last ten years, had his car taken away, gave up his dog because it was too difficult in his new home, had all his possessions taken out of his control, diagnosed with cancer and then parkinson disease and then struggling everyday with his memory and health.  some of these things should never have happened and that is on someone else's conscience.  my sister and i were left with picking up the pieces.

dementia comes in different types and is caused by many different things.  parkinson disease can contribute to it.  dad had a few episodes of wandering off and some times he was confused and wasnt making sense.  his short term memory was terrible but his long term memory was unbelievably good. then you could get him on a good day and everything was fine.  but then it just started getting bad and there were less good days and then none.  my aunt called me and dad was being taken up to hospital as he was not making sense and was being aggressive.  i left work and drove down to bunbury.  when i saw dad he did not look the best.  he looked very tired.  but he knew who i was and he was still aware of his surroundings.  at first we thought he was suffering from delirium. i stayed for a few hours and talked to him and made sure he was okay and told him that i was going to look after his cat jingles and he wasnt to worry.  that was the last real conversation i may possibly have had with my dad. later that night he had a major shift and became very aggressive and virtually sunk into severe dementia.

my sister was meant to be here but had broken her ankle and had to delay her trip.  i had to email her and tell her that the dad she knew wasnt around anymore.  i had to go back down to bunbury and meet with all the doctors.  the news wasnt good.  they had tested him for everything and changed his medication.  but there was no explanation for the immediate and sudden loss of dad's ability to look after himself and communicate.  he was talking but it was stuff from his past and it was all over the place.  i went back a week later and he knew who i was for a moment.  that is such a huge thing.  we sat and watched the cricket and i got glimpses of the old dad.  a small positive.

my sister and i are now looking for a place where dad can go.  he requires a high level of care and secure care.   we are hoping that once he gets settled there will be more improvements.   i am looking at places in perth so at least i can visit on a regular basis.  there is much more to all this but i dont think i need to elaborate here.  i miss my dad.  like anyone you find it hard to see them like this because he was always so strong and healthy.  i was lucky that day that i could get away from work and that i could talk to dad before his mind went into a tailspin.  you never think that it will be the last conversation though so i was very lucky.  i have always had a better relationship with my dad than my  mum.  i have some really great memories and for now they will have to do.

it never happened - mandurah

so it has been awhile and last time i signed off saying i needed to get my shit together and start training consistently for mandurah.  well that never happened.  the only thing i did consistently was swim which is an advantage in that it prevents drowning during the race.

prior to the race i hadnt ridden my bike for close to four weeks.  the last ride was four hours long though.  the longest run i had done was 9.89k.  not even a 10k.  and mostly i had just run once a week between 5 to 7.5k.  not exactly suitable training for a 70.3.

so why you may ask ?  well i just could not get motivated and had way too many interruptions and distractions.  the last 18 months have pretty much sucked and i am not quite sure what i did for this run of shitty things.  anyway this is how my race went when you dont train.

i decided to cancel my accommodation and just drive down the saturday to drop the bike off and then again on the sunday.  it saved me quite a few dollars in accommodation and boarding fees but i did have to get up super early sunday as race start was earlier this year.  bumped into some familiar faces on saturday and it was great to catch up.  felt a bit nervous when i got up but i think that was just fear of the great unknown.  would i make it ?  i was hoping for a really good swim as that had been going well.  i enjoy swimming because it is the only time my brain turns off from everything else and all i am able to think about is hanging on and not getting dropped.  biking and running gives me too much time to think.  i wasnt too worried about the bike as i knew i had enough base fitness to easily get through the 90k in under three hours.  while there had been no bricks during training i figured i would hang in for the first 10k and then just wing it from there.  so i had a plan.

first mistake was leaving the house and forgetting to put sunscreen on my arms, shoulders and hands. the second was wearing a cap that doesnt cover my head and getting my scalp sunburnt as well.  i arrived in time and relaxed getting my transition set up.  i was determined to reduce my transition time at least.  got the wet suit on and headed down to the swim start.  said hello to a few people but didnt have long to wait.  the water was quite fresh and chilly but since we were in it for five minutes before the start it gave me time to adjust.  i had given myself wetsuit rash on my neck swimming in it thursday night and note to self that fixomull does not stay on in the water.  i started fairly well and then had a patch when i struggled and then i was fine.  it seemed to take forever and there was no tide assist at all.  in fact there was a section where i was sure i was swimming against the current.  i kicked some guy in the head but he should have been watching where the fuck he was swimming. climbed out and felt quite good.  swim time 37.25.  last year i had a crappy swim and my time was 33.52.  in 2012 it was 35.29 and not a great swim either so it was a neat tide this year for sure.

i only took 4.26 in T1.  and that included quite a run from the swim exit.  wet suit came off easy. shoes on etc and i was off.  checked the tyres were still pumped out this time too !  felt okay and there wasnt much wind around so started out at a nice 32-33k pace.  normally this course has wind on the way out and a tailwind back in.  not this year though and probably didnt take enough of an advantage on the first lap.  turned down pagoni and was heading back and starting to enjoy myself when i heard something strange and then wham - flat back tyre.  i could not believe it and pretty much screamed fuck fuck fuck.  then i got my shit together and started the process to change the tube.  you can really lose it at this point and i was pissed because i wasnt going to be fast to begin with and this put me even further behind.  but luckily it all went fairly smoothly and got the nasty back wheel back on no problems.  the only issue i now had was that my back started playing up because i had been crouched over fixing the flat.  i also lost track of my fluid intake and didnt drink extra to make up for the time that i was stopped.  the next hour was pretty painful but then things eased off and riding back into the headwind wasnt too bad.  i was looking forward to getting off the bike though.  bike time was 3.20 and from my garmin it took me about 20 minutes to change the tube so i need to speed that process up.  i was pretty stoked though that i was self sufficient and no chance of any accusations of outside assistance this year.  i have only had two flats in races and both have been at this event. i was okay with a 3 hour ride.

i had put my compression calf things on right from the start and had swam and ridden in them so in transition all i had to do was get my toe socks and shoes on and i was outta there.  still took 5.08.  the compression thingies never bothered me all day so that is something i will continue to do.

well i felt like shit.  i walked the first 20 metres before breaking into a jog.  i had to run because the first two 2ks go through the main part of town with all the crowds and not a good look to be walking at this early stage.  on my way back i saw rae and stopped for a chat.  told her what had happened and how i felt.  decided my plan was to keep running until i got to the first aid station and then walk until i felt a bit better.  so this is what i did.  i actually found the further i went the better i felt and i was running more and having little walking stops less.  of course i walked every aid station.  the lack of fluids on the bike was now a problem.  i wanted to pee but nothing to pee.  i was surviving on coke and water.  no gels on the run at all.  i think this combined with the hydration problem made me lightheaded towards the end.  the wind out towards the headland was terrible.  especially since you had to run up hill.  so i walked it and then ran it with the wind on the way back down. 

after the first lap and 10k i came past rae and tim who had now finished.  i wasnt sure if i was going to finish.  i didnt care about the time or who was in front of me.  just that there were enough people behind me.  tim had his towel and medal and they looked pretty nice so i decided that i had to keep going.   so i just ran as much as i could and walked when i had to.  saw a few people i knew and that kept my mind off things.  george was out there and he had trained less than me so i had no excuses.  

finally i came over the bridge and did the last little turn around and i was across the finish line.  gave pete murray a high five and i was done.  run time was just disgraceful but i was happy that my finish time still had a six in front and i beat george.  got my towel and my medal and sat down.  i was fucked.  started feeling quite ill and thought i was going to keel over.  havent felt that bad after a full ironman.  for many reasons i wont be doing that again.  it isnt much fun when you dont train for it.  i kinda enjoyed myself but it was agony at the same time and i seriously considered pulling out during the run on a few occasions but something kept me going.  

got all my gear together.  my feet were pretty banged up and i was burnt to a crisp.  went and bought a nice cold choc milk and salted chips and drove home.  i made sure i took care of all my gear before having a shower and sitting down to pig out on pasta and an icecream.  i think i was in bed by 7.30pm.

now to get my shit sorted so i train for ironman australia.  i might be able to wing a half ironman but there is no way i am doing that for a full.

getting out of a hole

i had fallen into the trap of thinking that everything was fine and until you change things you never realise that things were actually pretty fucking shitty.  when you start to feel better you look back and know that everything was not okay.  i wasnt okay at port macquarie.  i was very tired and over-trained.  i am amazed that i finished that ironman.  since then i have struggled to get any consistent training done.  i seem to go from one problem to another and once i get something sorted out then it is something else. so while i am tired today i am finally starting to see my way out.  the headaches of the last week are finally gone and i dont think they will be back. my sinus infection is just about gone and i am so glad i dont have to take those giant pills anymore and i can breathe.  i have no more excuses.

yesterday i drove up to lancelin for the hell of the north 140k gran fondo.  i very wisely decided to pull back on the 140k race and instead did the 95k circuit.  for the most part it is the same course.  considering i still had my familiar headache for most of the day i was pretty happy to be able to cut it short.  last week when i managed to get slightly lost on my bike ride and it went from being comfortable to very fucking uncomfortable  my knee started to hurt towards the end.  anything to do with knees makes me very worried.  i iced it when i got home and since it never gave me any more trouble i didnt think about it again.  until i got on the bike yesterday and it started playing up within the first 10k.  i always start slow at these bike only events.  i guess i miss the swim as a warm up.  anyway i managed to get on the back of a group of guys who were riding at a nice steady pace and they took me to the turn around.  it was about here that i worked out that it wasnt my knee that was the problem but the inside muscle was tight and giving referral pain to the knee.  i usually only get this when i am running alot.  i gave it some trigger point therapy while riding along and that helped.  i have since rolled it out.  

from the turn around i was on my own.  five guys passed me.  two on their own and a group of three. i ended up catching up to all of them and then left them behind.  the race car then came by and let me know the lead racers were coming through.  i was then expecting this huge group to come flying by and instead it was a group of about 8 guys and while they rode off it wasnt like they went past like i was standing still.  not long after one of the race guys came past.  he had obviously been dropped and looked like he was taking it easy.  he never got more than 30 metres in front of me and towards the end we were swapping the lead and crossed the finish line at the same time (although he had ridden an extra 40k with a 10 minute head start).  then a motorbike came up to me to say the lead peleton of the gran fondo was coming through.  again i expected this really fast big group.  turned out to be a group of six skinny guys moving at about the same speed as the last lot.  it was kinda funny.  the wind was okay for the most part.  i did get a bit of a nasty blow come through with some rain towards the end but it wasnt too bad.  

taking into account my health status i was really happy with this ride.  i averaged close to 29.2k and considering the rolling hills and everything else this was a good effort.  i think mark slightly exaggerated how difficult this course was as my ride to toodyay and back is much harder.  the roads at port macquarie are also worse so i was pleasantly surprised.  140k next year for sure.  maybe they have saved me the worst part in that bottom loop !!  and this felt so much better than my bad day at york.  i did however miss the fresh crusty bread with the lasagna.  sadly they didnt have the usual caterers.

so what happens from here.  well it is now or never as far as training for mandurah goes.  if i dont get some consistent training and specifically run training done then i will be in trouble.  if i am not already.  i am also thinking about what events i decide to take on.  i know i want to do more time trials and a few open water swims this coming season.  they are reasonably cheap and i have also decided i want to spend less money so a trip down to busselton for the jetty swim and half marathon might be off the cards.  the events are cheap enough but the accommodation for myself and the casey girl is not.

i have a few new goals and it will come down to just me whether i achieve them or not.  i am hoping the recent life stresses are well gone and it is reasonably smooth sailing from now on.

saying goodbye to my bike

qantas are bastards.  they killed my bike.  everyone who has travelled with a bike this is your worst nightmare.  as usual when i got off the flight i collected my bags and then headed over to pick up my bike.  as i was standing there waiting i was talking to a girl and we were discussing the chances of our bikes being in one piece.  just as she was telling me about her very
expensive zipp wheels my bike came out and straight away i knew something was wrong.

my bike bag had a gapping opening where the bike seat is and you could see straight away the bag had been torn open and the seat was all twisted and had a huge chunk taken out of it.  some of my gear was hanging out.  i asked the guy who bought it out what had happened and he just shrugged his shoulders.  another guy told me to take it over to baggage claims.  i was in shock and didnt know whether to cry or not.  i took it over and explained what had happened and the girl was very sympathetic.  i think they are trained to fake concern because as i was soon to discover they do not give a fuck.

it was 4.30 so i quickly got the bike back to my car and raced home and to my local bike shop.  i made it just before close and as we unpacked everything i started taking photos.  it was obvious straight away that the bag had been dragged and the seat had received a severe impact.  we took the wheels out and were amazed that both were undamaged and still true.  even more amazed when you saw a large hole torn into the wheel section of the bag. but what we really wanted to know was if the frame had survived.  it had moved out of the scicon frame it was locked into within the bag and the skewers had both been bent.  as soon as mark put it on the bike rack he saw the crack. game over. along with the frame (which was either cracked or a minor crush impact) the rear deraileur was also damaged. again i didnt know whether to cry or not but i did do a bit of swearing.  i think i was in shock.  i had such a shitty time in port macquarie and now this.  it was the last thing i needed.

nothing more to do so i headed straight to the bottleshop and purchased some wine.  i rang qantas as soon as i got home and the girl i spoke to was very sympathetic and explained that she would speak to her manager and they would contact me in the morning.  i proceeded to mourn my bike by drinking more wine.

 
 
i had the next day off so i waited for qantas to call.  by noon i hadnt heard anything so i called them. again i was promised that someone would call.  by late afternoon i realised that nothing was going to happen unless i got more aggressive with them and finally i was told that i would receive an email with details of what i needed to provide to make a claim.  i remember drinking more wine again.

i finally received the email and it was standard requests.  copies of original purchase, quote for replacement cost, extent of damage and photos etc.  i sent all of this to them and awaited the reply.  i have to mention here that i have bike specific insurance and while i had contacted them i had not submitted a claim.  i also had not informed qantas that i had insurance.  the reason being is that most bike insurance only covers full replacement under two years old and if your bike is deemed a write off they will keep your old bike for salvage purposes. my bike was 3.5 years old but in excellent condition and i was not even going to come close to replacing it from my insurance.  my best shot was qantas.

then i hear back from qantas and they offer me $1600 to replace the bike and bike bag.  my scicon bag was only on its second trip so it was close to brand new.  as it turns out the airline are limited to $1600 on domestic flights for any damage (negligent or not) and if you read the fine print this is true. i was not happy and told qantas as much.  i could not believe that part of their offer included an apology for the inconvenience.  they run over my bike and destroy it and call it an inconvenience.  that really pissed me off.

so begun my social media campaign.  facebook, twitter and instagram.  facebook certainly got it out there the most but twitter had the most impact as qantas could see every tweet and towards the end it really annoyed them. i contacted scicon bags and they were great.  they gave me a report as to what they think had caused the damage and that the bag was damaged beyond repair.  this would prove very useful down the track.  qantas did come back to me and offer a further $500 to cover the bag but it was still a paltry amount.

i had posted the details at a tri website that i visit on a regular basis and i was getting all types of advice.  facebook was the same.  most people were great and then there were a few who said it was my fault (should have used a better bag, proper insurance etc)  some people even queried as to whether it had really happened and that maybe i was making it all up !?  but what it really came down to is that when something like this happens and even if it is not your fault it is going to cost you. while you really want everything to just go back to how it was and have someone else to pay for it that is not what will happen.  not in this case anyway and you just have to find a way to accept it.

i then contacted today tonight and to my surprise they called me back.  i was excited but nervous.  i was also very confused as to what was going to get me the best result.  i had also contacted an old work boss who had worked for qantas and had been quite high up in management.  he gave me the details to write to alan joyce and advised against doing today tonight.  i wrote to alan but never heard back in the end.  the meeting with today tonight turned out to be a bit of fun.  they interviewed me and we then went over to my local bike shop to look at the bike and managed to  talk mark into being interviewed.  afterwards they had me ride my old giant bike up and down the road while they filmed. all of this took about 2.5 hours.  they said they would contact me prior to the story going to air.

i had spoken to qantas a few times and told them i was on social media and going to television.  they didnt care and stood firm.  it was at this time that someone gave me a suggestion that would lead me to the final solution.  trek have a crash replacement policy on frames and offer a 20% discount.  at the same time they had a sale and one of the bikes was a white and black trek speed concept 7.0 series. while the frame was the new Gen2 the rest of the bike was made up of shimano 105 and alloy tri bars, seat post etc  i needed to find out if i could use the good components off my old bike.  i rang mark and it was all good.  my carbon tri bars would come across, the wheels were fine and while the new bike was 11 speed everything would fit okay.  i then called qantas and gave it one final try.  i explained my plan and that in order for me to do it i needed a better offer and surprisingly i got one. this is when things started to change for me.   i contacted my insurers as well and told them what qantas had offered.  they then valued my bike, deducted the qantas offer and a very cheap salvage amount that allowed me to keep my bike, waived the excess and sent me the balance.  this they did within 24 hours - fucking brilliant.  i cannot recommend velosure highly enough.  they were considerate and went out of their way to give me the best information possible.  they also told me that they had never seen a bike so badly damaged by qantas so it was kinda nice to know that it is a rare occurence.

once this was all finalised i called today tonight and explained that i had to sign a non-disclosure agreement with qantas and that killed the chance of me becoming a tv star.  i was secretly quite relieved that i was no longer going to be on tv telling my sad story and pretending to be some serious triathlete.  it was after this that i remembered i had taken out a $12 policy with my ticket for cancellation and baggage damage so i went and read the fine print and realised i could claim the damage to my bike bag.  i just had to prove that it wasnt carry on luggage.  seriously  WTF !  long story short i managed to get them to pay me the full value and they added in the four shotz gels i bought that day and were on the same receipt.  LMFAO.

so now that i knew how much money i was going to get it was time to build the bike.  i didnt want to keep the shimano 105.  i worked hard to afford something better and i was determined i would at least go back to what i had.  so all the shimano 105 came off and was replaced with sram force.  i kept the cranks (therefore the stages power meter as well), the carbon tri bars and the wheels.  i also replaced the seat post with the carbon version and bought a new seat, the speed tool box and xlab wings and new bottle holders.  i already had the upgraded speed snack box. and duotrap.     i had the new shifters that i had to replace at port macquarie but they were not going to work with an 11 speed so i sold them online.  in the end i also sold my damaged frame and the leftovers online for $250.  SCORE !  but what made all of this quite doable was my bike shop guy mark bought all the new parts i replaced back from me at a reasonable discount price and gave me a great deal on all the new stuff.  i cant thank him enough for all the work and effort he put into getting me back on the road and on a bike that really is better than the original and one that i now LOVE.  check it out !  (day before bike fit so seat post is ridiculously high).