the imposter triathlete

this is a great article to read (link below) if you have ever felt like you are not quite good enough. some of the people i know who are very good triathletes confess to the imposter syndrome and that really surprises me.  i felt it from the very beginning. at first it was just a case of being unfit and a total newbie but i thought as time went on and i improved it would change.  when that didnt happen i decided that i just has to go longer and faster  and then i would belong.  well that didnt work so then i just had to race more events, complete more ironmans and just be in the sport longer.  i got involved at the administration level of the sport.  i have never been involved with clubs or squads as the travel time and training sessions made it difficult.  so the only other missing equation is that i never got fast enough to be at the podium level or to qualify for worlds.  maybe that was it.  i know people say that triathlon  is about participation and all levels of ability are welcome.  however i dont believe that but maybe that is the imposter syndrome at work.  

this gets even worse for the aging triathlete.  so on top of not feeling good enough you are now automatically judged and put in a box because you are older.  for me i went backwards from time off from the sport and to come back to a decent level of consistency and pace was harder than any of the training i had done previously and it is still a work in progress. recovery takes longer and the amount of volume has to be managed.  sometimes it is really fucking hard but you have to remind yourself that some of the people you are training with are 20 or 30 years younger and you are not an imposter or a failure.  

i have less summers in front of me than behind me and my choice of races in the next few years has to be well thought out.  i hope that by the time i leave the sport i feel a little less like an imposter and more a part of it.

https://www.triathlete.com/training/how-to-deal-with-imposter-syndrome-yes-even-the-pros-sometimes-dont-feel-good-enough/

another race report - imwa 70.3

just slightly overdue so hopefully the recall is okay.  so i was meant to do the full but that wasnt going to happen.  a lack of training, motivation and alot of crappy rain put it to rest.  i think in the back of my mind i knew i had the deferral option and so when things became too hard it was easy to just give up on that goal. i also  came up with the great idea of deferring and then signing up for the 70.3.  there was always the chance the race would not go ahead and that had not helped the motivation factor.  

my swimming had been very consistent.  biking not too bad.  still lacking some real speed but fitter at least.  running was awful as usual.  one step forward and two back.  i am going to have to seriously work something out if i am ever going to be able to deliver a decent run.  

so nice drive down to busselton.  sylvester got to stay home alone and cooper was off to the doggie holiday camp.  back at the abbey beach resort which i havent stayed at in quite awhile.  it hasnt changed and while the rooms are still okay the noise level is still annoying.  arrived just in time for my check in time.  received my free ugly man shirt and that was about it.  the days of actually getting a race pack with free stuff are long gone.  went for a quick swim in the abbey indoor pool and then an early night.

rode down to the jetty early and the legs felt okay.  had a chat to a few people but it was very quiet.  normally the swim start would be packed with all the ironman competitors getting their wetsuits on and showing off their very lean bodies.  or they would be parading their bikes and bling.  it would have that great race week vibe but it was obvious the numbers were going to be well down.

got all my gear and the bike organised before catching up with brett for a quick lunch.  nice to take my mind off things as some nerves were creeping in.  which is really weird when it is only a 70.3.  checked the bike in and you could actually see how small the numbers were going to be come race day.  back home and got everything ready.  early race at 5.45am. 

slept okay but i did wake a few times.  really struggle to sleep straight through these days and it is very annoying.  worth the early start as i got a great parking spot.  i love a good parking spot.  usual set up in transition, a few trips to the porter potty and then wet suit on.  i cannot remember if i saw anyone i knew beforehand.  i had a quick warm up swim and then bumped into stu from work at the start so chatted until we set off.  the weather looked like it was going to be okay.  the wind would show up at some point.  the water was nice and while not really flat it was fine.  i tried to stay on some feet and hit the buoys.  nothing terribly exciting happened during the swim.  

the bike started okay and then my back started up.  being the old course we had to do two shorter laps.  i did stop a few times to stretch and was kinda glad when it was over.  probably need to ride on roads more often as the surface was annoying.  came in around 3 hours so i was okay with that.

the run sucked.  nothing new here.  didnt train much and so should never expect a decent result.  just hate having to make it through with people telling you it isnt far and you can do it bullshit.  happy to cross the line and get it over with.  the medal is pretty ugly to be honest.  at least the towel wasnt red and black so nice change there.  

so i just grabbed my gear and headed back to my room for some left over pizza, icecream and a few beers.  best part of the day.  packed up the following day and back home.  all done for another year !  Not sure of my finish time but it probably wasnt great but at least had a 6 in front of it.