Monday, May 28, 2012

molly and me

if you have followed my blog or looked at my slideshow pics you will know that i own two golden retriever dogs.  they are both female and the white one is casey and she is ten years old and the gold one is molly and she turned seven back in february.  my first dog was also a golden retriever and jesse dog lived to be over fourteen.  i got molly about six months before jesse passed.  and that in itself was one of the most difficult experiences in my life.  i dont think i talked about it for a very long time.  casey girl was sad for quite awhile also.  jesse spends every day swimming and hanging out at her favourite  beach at hillaries.  that is where her ashes are.  so you would think that she would guide me a little better when i have to swim open water there !

everyone says that you are not meant to have favourites and i have tried but from the day i got her molly just stole my heart.  who knows why but i just think she is the sweetest most beautiful dog in the whole fucking world.  molly dog has cancer.

there is no cure for molly.  she will leave me too early.  she has skin lymphoma.  a few months ago i noticed a lesion on her eyelid and when it didnt respond to different treatments the vet did a biopsy.  because of this we found out early and this is a good thing.  dogs that get it in their glands or organs dont get treatment early enough as most owners are unaware that their pets are ill.  while the type of lesion is not the best kind it has responded well to cortisone and her blood work and tests are all clear.  so this means that the cancer is isolated to the lesion and once removed molly is essentially in remission.  this was very good news.  tomorrow she goes into the specialist vet and is having chemo injected into the lesion.  there is a chance that this may not work and then we will go the surgery route.  no more bikes for me.

i have to be honest and say that i dont think i have quite accepted this.  i am in denial and it is not real.  i look at molly and she is so full of life and just the same gorgeous dog. i cant believe it.  when they first told me it felt like i was just going to fall apart.  i was losing the plot.  how do parents handle having sick children ?  i know that there are people much worse off than me but it makes no difference.  this is not fair and i dont know how to handle it but one day at a time.  my heart will be broken.

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