tomorrow is the big day and it cannot come soon enough. i am on the edge of really freaking out if something does not change. being low in iron is not just about being able to ride up big hills or run and swim at threshold. it is about not being able to sleep even though you are exhausted. and when you do sleep you keep waking up because you have restless legs. it is about your hair constantly shedding and this is really annoying when you have long hair. it is fucking everywhere. it is about trying to control what you eat as you subconsciously try to regain your energy by eating more. you are not hungry but you have this constant urge to eat more carbs. i crave bread. and then your system is all over the place because of the iron supplements you take in the hope that they help. which they dont. it is about the constant battle to stay motivated. to get out of bed when all your want to do is sleep. it is about ignoring the dust that sits on all your furniture and the things that need cleaning and the yard that is being overgrown by weeds. the cobwebs that need sweeping away, the retic that needs fixing and the edges that need whipper snipping. the guilt never ends. try coming to work when all you can do to keep your eyes open is to keep up a constant supply of caffeine.
i went for my last long ride as an iron depleted person yesterday. it started out okay and while my legs were a little tired i thought the 100k would be doable. there was a bit of a breeze up and i knew that the ride back would have the usual swan valley easterly wind. i dont mind riding into a true head wind. you just put your head down and keep at it. after the first 20k the wind was all over the place. fucking cross winds. it takes so much more energy and concentration and i have to be careful when on the aero bars. i was really being thrown about on the bike and it was tough. it just plained sucked and it was like that until i finally turned with the wind out the back of the vines and 10k from home. but for 70k i cursed everything. i swore at the cars, i cursed my ipod and i decided i hated all my music. i bitched about my fucking seat and how much my butt hurt. i was pissed at my drink bottles and i got mad at the wind. there were too many cars on the road and i just hated my bike. i wanted to get off and throw the fucker into the bushes and walk home. i could have cut the ride short by 20k but i didnt want to give in. i wanted to get home and feel like i deserved that nap. it was an exhausting 3.5 hour ride and i am paying for it today. i didnt give up.