Wednesday, November 16, 2011

being happy when you dont have it all

while i try to keep this blog about triathlon and any associated/related events i  believe that triathlon is a lifestyle and not a hobby so life will overlap.  i promise that this particular post is triathlon related but there are some steps to be taken to get to the point.

a few things lately have combined to make me start thinking over some serious topics.  to name a few - my parents are getting old, my job really sucks and i have recently spoken with friends i have known for a very long time. 

i have realised (and accepted) that there are a number of things in life that i will never have or experience.  i will never have a family.  this is incredibly sad but i will not let it define my life.  i will never talk about it.  what is the point ?  talking about it will never change it.  i do not want to be one of those women who are eternally sad and never move on from the disappointments in life. 

i will never have that flash car or a great big home in an expensive suburb.  what i do have is mine and i have worked hard to achieve it.  i earn a reasonable income and i did that through hard work and sacrifice.  i have never relied on anyone else.  i could sell my house and buy an apartment in subiaco and then have better options for working in the city.  my life would change completely.  but then i wouldnt get to share my life with my molly dog and casey girl.  i would be incredibly self-centred and selfish. 

my friends i have spoken to recently are older than me - 5-10 years and are now moving into retirement or reduced working hours. they talk about travelling around australia or the trips they have planned overseas.  retirement has not even occurred to me and i feel like my life is just starting.  i will probably never be able to afford the type of trips they have planned but i think travel is for the young and i have been lucky enough to do my fair share.  and fuck it - i had huge fun.  you cannot have that sort of fun with a middle age spread butt.  it is hard to explain but when you are young the possibilities are endless and nothing is off limits.  getting older you think more about comfort and food.  i am eternally grateful i travelled young.

when it comes down to it life has to be about experiences.  you cant take it with you.  i now try and put all my resources into life experiences rather than collecting objects that in the end will just be sold off or thrown away as part of my estate. i dont get photos printed anymore.  i have all i need at home and i do not want one more thing i have to dust.  i need all my money so i can buy those life experiences - travel to and enter races, swim the busselton jetty (which i have entered) or be part of a biking adventure.  those things you can take with you.  i want to have completed my bucket list.

all this could change if i won lotto.  i have heard you need to buy a ticket and maybe i will do that.  then i could buy that big old house and travel to china and adopt a million kids.  in the meantime i will stick with what i cannot afford and have sold my soul to the devil to own.  i am completely aware that this will not make me any faster.  training will make me faster.  but i do have a tri suit to match and i am going to look smoking hot.  seriously -  if i was a guy i would have one major hard on.  i am going to be eating noodles for the next month but what an experience.

she will be all mine.

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