Tuesday, November 16, 2010

i wonder

i wonder what it would be like to score the dream job.  to get the role that everyone wants.  i worked for  a company for five years and thought it was important.  it is complicated but i know my self belief is out there somewhere.

i wonder what it would be like to compete in triathlon and be 20 years younger.    i also wonder what it would be like if i had never smoked.  you cant go back and i think that things come to you in life when you need them but still.  i have to wonder. 

i wonder what it is like to act your age.  how are 46 year olds meant to act ?  i keep thinking i should be more mature.  some people my age start to think about retirement.  fuck that.  i have too much to do.  is that a mature approach ? 

i wonder what it would be like if my family called to ask me what i was planning for my birthday or what i was doing for christmas.  if i wasnt single would this even occur to me.

i wonder what it would be like if i met mr right.  i know what it is like to meet mr wrong.  i have met him a few times over.  and he is not a nice person.

i wonder what it would be like if someone had your back.  no matter whether you are perfect or full of imperfections.  they are always on your side.  what would that be like.

i wonder what it would be like to not have to worry about  money.  we all wonder about that.

i wonder what i will do with all my personal stuff after i am dead.  do i just burn all my photos, sell off my possessions and have a big pre-wake party.  will anyone be alive to attend.

i wonder what it would be like to win.  not just a race or money but to win something special.  to have something really good happen.  to come out in front.

what bought this on ?  i dont know - i have just been wondering.

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