Wednesday, September 1, 2010

a weird week

i dont know why but this week has been weird and in a fucked up kinda way.  and it should not have been.  i had a great run on sunday.  i had a PB by 12 minutes.  and i do feel a great deal of satisfaction and a bit more belief in myself.   

i have felt like crap since i woke monday.  i slept quite a bit before the city to surf.  more than i have for quite awhile.  and it was the nana naps where you cannot keep your eyes open.  felt great at the time and thought it would be good to be well rested although it was a bit strange.   i have not worked out since sunday.  three days of nothing.  my legs were a little stiff but they are fine now.  no swimming.  terrible headaches and sore body.  i just want to sleep.  it is 8.48 pm and i want to go to bed.

i think as you get older the ability to handle stress decreases.  i thought it would be the opposite.  maturity and all that.  my job of 4 months is not going well.  if you have been reading my blog you know the story so far.  the reasons it is not so good are valid.  i am well qualified and experienced at what i do.  i am being micro managed and thrown in the gen y basket of irresponsibility.  kinda funny if you know me but my self esteem is finding it hard to rise above the constant lack of faith.  and respect.  i did not work my arse off for this.  i have to reconsider everything.  i have to determine what it is that i really should be doing.  is it me or my choices ?  i googled my job sucks and and was actually led to some interesting articles.  not about resolving issues with people who micro manage or bully.  did i mention the bullying part ?  you would not want to be fat, gay, ugly or even smoke where i work.  so is it a bad career choice or is it just the company ?  they are always going on about company values.  does wearing a company logo create values or is when you dont make fun of ugly people. 

this just sucks.  i am going to bed.  it is 9.15 pm.

2 comments:

Lexy said...

that sucks about the job. Being micro managed would be frustrating and how old are they? Have you tried talking to them? as for the making fun of fat/gay/ugly/smokers...don't you have LAWS against that? we do. it's a no-no and people can get in a LOT OF trouble for bullying based on looks etc. it's against the law to have a hostile work environment. tho i am sure you are not being picked on for anything looks wise. If i were you i would talk to them about the micro managing and if that fails then start the hunt for the new job and tell them to go fuck themselves. not wearing the company logo shirt? what BS, same for the eating lunch at the desk, my old boss LOVED that i did that.

i'll reply to your mail soon as i can. hope you leg etc feel better. my back is improving with the physcial therapy and i have a diagnosis. SI joint dysfunction and Sacrilotis altho that spelling is prolly wrong.

talk soon!

jenez_world said...

just to clarify things. i am not being picked on or bullied. making fun of people is a form of bullying. and they do this often and while it isnt direct it is personal. the really bad part is that if you are gay/fat/ugly etc you would not be working there to begin with.