i dont know why but this week has been weird and in a fucked up kinda way. and it should not have been. i had a great run on sunday. i had a PB by 12 minutes. and i do feel a great deal of satisfaction and a bit more belief in myself.
i have felt like crap since i woke monday. i slept quite a bit before the city to surf. more than i have for quite awhile. and it was the nana naps where you cannot keep your eyes open. felt great at the time and thought it would be good to be well rested although it was a bit strange. i have not worked out since sunday. three days of nothing. my legs were a little stiff but they are fine now. no swimming. terrible headaches and sore body. i just want to sleep. it is 8.48 pm and i want to go to bed.
i think as you get older the ability to handle stress decreases. i thought it would be the opposite. maturity and all that. my job of 4 months is not going well. if you have been reading my blog you know the story so far. the reasons it is not so good are valid. i am well qualified and experienced at what i do. i am being micro managed and thrown in the gen y basket of irresponsibility. kinda funny if you know me but my self esteem is finding it hard to rise above the constant lack of faith. and respect. i did not work my arse off for this. i have to reconsider everything. i have to determine what it is that i really should be doing. is it me or my choices ? i googled my job sucks and and was actually led to some interesting articles. not about resolving issues with people who micro manage or bully. did i mention the bullying part ? you would not want to be fat, gay, ugly or even smoke where i work. so is it a bad career choice or is it just the company ? they are always going on about company values. does wearing a company logo create values or is when you dont make fun of ugly people.
this just sucks. i am going to bed. it is 9.15 pm.